[Friday Funny] Men and Women

[The Friday Funny]

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

 
EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even

though it's only for £32.50.

None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 
BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

 
ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 
CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

 
FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 
SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 
MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

 
DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 
NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 
OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no point in two people remembering the same thing.

-- 
Peter SJF Bance
http://www.minstrel.org.uk/
XMPP: GreyMinstrel at jabber.org | AIM: GreyMinstrel
MSN: Minstrel at minstrel.org.uk | ICQ: 254652398