From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Fri Apr 3 12:03:13 2009 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:03:13 +0100 Subject: [Friday Funny] 1st April RFCs Message-ID: <49D5FB01.4060908@minstrel.org.uk> All, Once a year, on 1st April, a humorous 'Request for Comments' (RFC) is published. These are used to define Internet Standards, and previous 1st April publications have seen creation of the "Evil Bit" for malicious traffic and various other oddities. This year, two RFCs were published on 1st April (attached). I'm pretty certain RFC5513 is this year's humorous one, but I can't be completely sure, as RFC5514 also sounds like a joke! Therefore, I've included that as well. Note that these won't display correctly in Notepad on Windows - use WordPad/Word on Windows machines. They should display correctly in practically every other text editor in existence, just not Notepad! -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/ XMPP: GreyMinstrel at jabber.org | AIM: GreyMinstrel MSN: Minstrel at minstrel.org.uk | ICQ: 254652398 -------------- next part -------------- An embedded and charset-unspecified text was scrubbed... Name: rfc5513.txt Url: http://lists.internetgremlin.com/pipermail/fridayfunny/attachments/20090403/22633a30/attachment.txt -------------- next part -------------- An embedded and charset-unspecified text was scrubbed... Name: rfc5514.txt Url: http://lists.internetgremlin.com/pipermail/fridayfunny/attachments/20090403/22633a30/attachment-0001.txt From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Fri Apr 10 08:51:06 2009 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Fri, 10 Apr 2009 09:51:06 +0100 Subject: [Friday Funny] Court Statements Message-ID: <49DF087A.2090401@minstrel.org.uk> This has been around for some time (or most of them, anyway)... --------------------------------- These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/ XMPP: GreyMinstrel at jabber.org | AIM: GreyMinstrel MSN: Minstrel at minstrel.org.uk | ICQ: 254652398 From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Sat Apr 25 07:37:28 2009 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 08:37:28 +0100 Subject: [Friday Funny] Thoughts for the Day Message-ID: <49F2BDB8.7060402@minstrel.org.uk> 1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. 2. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 3. A penny saved is a government oversight. 4. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. 5. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 6. He who hesitates is probably right. 7. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL..' 8. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 9. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 10. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 11. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 12. Did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.' 13. Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 14. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. 15. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've travelled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. 16. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. 17. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. 18. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 19. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then, you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/ XMPP: GreyMinstrel at jabber.org | AIM: GreyMinstrel MSN: Minstrel at minstrel.org.uk | ICQ: 254652398