From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Fri Oct 9 06:03:22 2009 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Fri, 09 Oct 2009 06:03:22 +0100 Subject: [Friday Funny] Delia's Way Message-ID: <4ACEC41A.2090606@minstrel.org.uk> Delia's Way Put a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a cone to prevent ice-cream drips. The Real Woman's Way Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Delia's Way To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. The Real Woman's Way Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year. Delia's Way When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake. The Real Woman's Way Tesco's sell cakes. They even do decorated versions. Delia's Way If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice. The Real Woman's Way If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just tough. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: 'I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.' Delia's Way Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. The Real Woman's Way It could keep forever... who eats it? Delia's Way Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. The Real Woman's Way Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka... you might still have the headache, but you won't give a damn! Why waste it? Rub the lime on your forehead afterwards, it may soak straight in? Unless you have another 8oz of that vodka left, of course?... Delia's Way If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. The Real Woman's Way Why do I have a man? Finally the most important tip... Delia's Way Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles. The Real Woman's Way Leftover wine????????? -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/ XMPP: GreyMinstrel at jabber.org | AIM: GreyMinstrel MSN: Minstrel at minstrel.org.uk | ICQ: 254652398 From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Mon Oct 26 06:15:51 2009 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:15:51 +0000 Subject: [Friday Funny] Why Athletes Don't Have Normal Jobs... Message-ID: <4AE53E97.3090600@minstrel.org.uk> Sorry it's late yet again! Busy times... --------------------------------------------------- 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." 4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." 5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." 6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." 7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle." 8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." 9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, when asked why he keeps a colour photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." 10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is." 11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." 12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' " 13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." 14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye..." 15. Bobby Bowden, Florida States football coach, when asked why he didn't invest in condos, said, "I am too old to use them now." -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/ XMPP: GreyMinstrel at jabber.org | AIM: GreyMinstrel MSN: Minstrel at minstrel.org.uk | ICQ: 254652398