From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Fri Jan 8 10:09:29 2010 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Fri, 08 Jan 2010 10:09:29 +0000 Subject: [Friday Funny] Complaints to Travel Agents Message-ID: "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned." "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels." A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room. "The beach was too sandy." "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white." A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women." "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (?3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake." "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled." "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home." "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller." "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?" "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many ** foreigners." "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning." "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite." "My fianc? and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/ From fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com Fri Jan 29 09:28:48 2010 From: fridayfunny at internetgremlin.com (The Friday Funny) Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 09:28:48 +0000 Subject: [Friday Funny] Army Recruitment Message-ID: FARM KID in the ARMY Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc.., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter , Alice -- Peter SJF Bance http://www.minstrel.org.uk/