[Friday Funny] Puns

[The Friday Funny]

Sorry it's late again this week...

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I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on ahead."

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehabilitation centre said: "Keep off the Grass."

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

A  chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practise safe sects!

-- 
Peter SJF Bance
http://www.minstrel.org.uk/