[Friday Funny] Quotes from Radio & TV Quizzes

[The Friday Funny]

[Allegedly]

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UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: 	What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: 	Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman: 	No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: 	Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: 	Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston: 	There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: 	Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: 	Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: 	I don't know.
Stewart White: 	I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: 	Arm
Stewart White: 	Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: 	Strong.
Stewart White: 	Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: 	Louis
Stewart White: 	Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: 	Frank Sinatra?
  
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: 	What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: 	France.
Trelinski: 	France is another country.  Try again.
Contestant: 	Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: 	Wrong, sorry, let's try another question.  In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: 	Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: 	Just guess a country then.
Contestant: 	Paris.
  
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: 	Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: 	The Conservative Party.
  
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: 	For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: 	I think I know that one.  Is it Jewish?
  
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne: 	What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: 	Goosey?
  
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: 	What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: 	I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
  
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO ( MANCHESTER )
Phil: 	What's 11 squared?
Contestant: 	I don't know.
Phil: 	I'll give you a clue.  It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: 	Is it five?
  
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard: 	Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant: 	Forrest Gump.
  
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard: 	On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: 	Er. ... ..
Richard: 	He makes bread . . .
Contestant: 	Er .. .....
Richard: 	He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: 	Kipling Street?
  
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: 	Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: 	Barcelona.
Presenter: 	I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: 	I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
  
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: 	What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: 	The Pacific.
  
ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: 	Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: 	Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
  
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: 	What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: 	Magna Carta?
  
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O'Brien: 	How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: 	Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER... ER ... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle: 	In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: 	Japan.
Chris Searle: 	I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: 	Er ........ Mexico?
  
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat: 	How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (long pause): 	Fourteen days.
  
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: 	In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: 	Holland?
Daryl Denham: 	Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: 	Iceland? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully) 	It's a bad line.  Did you say Israel?
Contestant: 	No.
  
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood: 	What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: 	Er... .... ..
Phil Wood: 	It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .
Contestant: 	Blimey?
Phil Wood: 	Ha ha ha, no.  The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: 	(Silence)
Phil Wood: 	OK, try it another way.  Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: 	Walked?
  
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: 	What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: 	Nostalgia.
  
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: 	What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: 	Jewish.
Presenter: 	That's close enough.
  
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: 	Johnny Weissmuller died on this day.  Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin-cloth did he play?
Contestant: 	Jesus

-- 
Peter SJF Bance
http://www.minstrel.org.uk/